You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
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He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
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I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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