we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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