I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
