Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Just cropdusted the office
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
