I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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