Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
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