OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
