similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
