just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
