I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
