I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
