If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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