Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
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How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
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As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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