I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
