I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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