if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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