Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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