so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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