i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
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