I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
