Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
