you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
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