Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
