Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
