It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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