best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
