I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
