oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
