I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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