walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
