hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
