i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
