if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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