i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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