Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
