Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
