In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
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