this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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