I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
