True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
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Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
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We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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