Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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