I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
We are two peas in an std pod
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
