It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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