I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
