have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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