I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
