Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
