I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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