Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
