Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
