I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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