She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Just pee around me
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
