I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
