I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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