do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
