I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
