going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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