We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
