Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
