$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
