Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You have to summon your inner elephant
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
This is my gift to your gina
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
