Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
