wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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