Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize