I want to stick my p in your. b.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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