Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
