I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
