I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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