Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
