Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
