Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
